I'm still a little puzzled and feel a bit lost when I think about the fact that our physical bodies etc are temporary. It makes me feel like 'well what's the point!' and I still don't get why I'm here and want out. But then I keep thinking about the fact that we are ALL the same on the inside. I don't see myself as less than anyone or in more trouble or not as pretty or successful when I look at it that way and I don't feel like I'm tainted or am missing a piece of what everyone else has. We are all exactly the same. We are all one thing. And so I don't feel so alone. I feel at home. I feel comfortable and warm and loved just being around things that are alive like other people and natural food and objects and nature. We are all part of the same source. We are all one. Not just "related" or "family" but exactly the SAME thing. We are all in this together as one 'whatever'. I still don't know what the 'whatever' is but I know that we are all little pieces of 'whatever' haha.
It makes me a bit confused with relationships though and finding my soulmate or future husband or having children. I have dreamt of finding the perfect man and having a passionate love life. But now I see men and woman as exactly the same? So why do I want a man? I guess because our purpose is to reproduce and so I am attracted to a male because of his physical matter and that is the way it is meant to be.
Then I think about how I have dreamed of having my own children. My own little babies that I made. They come from ME. But really they don't - they come from 'whatever'. 'Whatever' chose for the baby to be mine or the baby chose to be mine. I didn't really have a say? But THEN I remember again that we are all ONE. Not separate. No one is in a better position or has more say or is getting a better deal. I chose my child, but my child chose me too. My husband also chose me and I chose my husband :) So I guess that's beautiful isn't it.
I just feel like I want to find out more. Even though it scares me a bit. I feel like I've touched the tip of the iceberg and now I have so many questions until my mind will rest and not be scared about it.
Here we go!
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