♥ 26.08.11 ♥
It makes so much sense. we are all form the source right. Even when we are in the womb, we are souls and can be inside and outside the physical body as we please during birth. Once we are born we have entered the physical world yet we still do not realise that we have a body:
THAT IS WHY WE HAVE NO MEMORY UNTIL WE ARE A FEW YEARS OLDER!!
That is why children are so playful and full of love and all they want to do are simple things that bring them pleasure and make them happy. They listen to their bodies and stomp and cry when they are pushed towards doing things that they don't like because it goes against the grain of the pure love they are made of.
I always wondered why I can remember me at age 5 but no younger... and my memories become more and more vivid as I have aged. I can remember more about being 7 and even more about being 10 and 15 etc. It all confirms what is true. That we came from something else - that source of pure love - and we will return there once our physical bodies have deteriorated.
We are NOT our bodies. We have just become detached from our source and so all we can see are our physical selves.
why am i here
♥ 25.08.11 ♥
I can't even be bothered writing this email today. I just want to eat.
Breathe Breathe Breathe yes I know. But I don't want to.
I can't be bothered figuring out what's wrong, what's really wrong. It seems like a whole lotta effort that I'm not in the mood for. I want to be in touch with the source again and to feel that joyous positive vibe that I've had the last week. It seems like I don't know how to get it back. I DO know how to get it back, I am just getting frustrated with not being able to feel like that all the time.
But I have to realise that if it wasn't for these uneasy moments of anxiety, then I wouldn't know what joy and happiness felt like. It's why we and this earth were created so that there were polar opposites for us to experience. WIthout them, we would be living in the universe with pure love. PURE love. No hate, anxiety, struggle at all. So we would not know any difference and the pure love would seem .. well nothing. I wouldn't have the intense urge to attain it like I do now. I'd just feel nothing I guess.
I can get past this.
I can do it.
It's a friendly little reminder that there's still some emotions that need to be dealt with. When I think back now to all those times that I tried intuitive eating etc. but after two weeks I'd fall over head first back into my hole. Not again! It's like I always anticipated it and brought it on. I felt like I would never "succeed" - whatever I thought that meant. I guess I felt that never feeling anxious, overeating, feeling down would mean I had succeeded. But that's not it. If I never had those days, then I wouldn't know what feeling happy, positive and loving felt like.
So it's all okay.
Everything is okay.
I'm allowed to be sad and slow and have down days. They're even welcome! It's part of life. You have to keep on believing in yourself and cut the negative talk. Lately - since that dance class, I've been feeling unattractive and not good enough just because I couldn't keep up. I've been feeling that overwhelming feeling that I don't fit in and it's all in my head. That's all it is.
I have to keep remembering that my life is my own movie. Everyone in it are actors who all have their place and act as my teachers. I shouldn't get annoyed with them, I shouldn't compare myself to them or let their words hurt me. They are all teaching me valuable lessons. All of which are coming to me at the perfect time in my life. It is all happening for a reason.
And anyway, I am strong and healthy and beautiful and I don't need anything materialistic to comfort me. I have this clever "thing" (which I am still yet to discover completely) built inside me to draw on whenever I need it. It is the answer to all of my questions and I can tune in with it whenever I need it. I just need to be still more often. To hear it and what it is saying. And to breathe. I always forget to breathe... Drop my shoulders and just breathe.
This too shall pass. This too shall pass.
Let it build up and have a voice.
Hrmmmm
I know it's there, in my heart or my.. something. So many questions I want to ask. I mean, to know "it" exists and to experience it are two completely different things - just like the universe knew how amazing pure love was yet it couldn't truly feel it without feeling suffering to compare it to.
- hence why I am here and why I feel like I do today.
I can't even be bothered writing this email today. I just want to eat.
Breathe Breathe Breathe yes I know. But I don't want to.
I can't be bothered figuring out what's wrong, what's really wrong. It seems like a whole lotta effort that I'm not in the mood for. I want to be in touch with the source again and to feel that joyous positive vibe that I've had the last week. It seems like I don't know how to get it back. I DO know how to get it back, I am just getting frustrated with not being able to feel like that all the time.
But I have to realise that if it wasn't for these uneasy moments of anxiety, then I wouldn't know what joy and happiness felt like. It's why we and this earth were created so that there were polar opposites for us to experience. WIthout them, we would be living in the universe with pure love. PURE love. No hate, anxiety, struggle at all. So we would not know any difference and the pure love would seem .. well nothing. I wouldn't have the intense urge to attain it like I do now. I'd just feel nothing I guess.
I can get past this.
I can do it.
It's a friendly little reminder that there's still some emotions that need to be dealt with. When I think back now to all those times that I tried intuitive eating etc. but after two weeks I'd fall over head first back into my hole. Not again! It's like I always anticipated it and brought it on. I felt like I would never "succeed" - whatever I thought that meant. I guess I felt that never feeling anxious, overeating, feeling down would mean I had succeeded. But that's not it. If I never had those days, then I wouldn't know what feeling happy, positive and loving felt like.
So it's all okay.
Everything is okay.
I'm allowed to be sad and slow and have down days. They're even welcome! It's part of life. You have to keep on believing in yourself and cut the negative talk. Lately - since that dance class, I've been feeling unattractive and not good enough just because I couldn't keep up. I've been feeling that overwhelming feeling that I don't fit in and it's all in my head. That's all it is.
I have to keep remembering that my life is my own movie. Everyone in it are actors who all have their place and act as my teachers. I shouldn't get annoyed with them, I shouldn't compare myself to them or let their words hurt me. They are all teaching me valuable lessons. All of which are coming to me at the perfect time in my life. It is all happening for a reason.
And anyway, I am strong and healthy and beautiful and I don't need anything materialistic to comfort me. I have this clever "thing" (which I am still yet to discover completely) built inside me to draw on whenever I need it. It is the answer to all of my questions and I can tune in with it whenever I need it. I just need to be still more often. To hear it and what it is saying. And to breathe. I always forget to breathe... Drop my shoulders and just breathe.
This too shall pass. This too shall pass.
Let it build up and have a voice.
Hrmmmm
I know it's there, in my heart or my.. something. So many questions I want to ask. I mean, to know "it" exists and to experience it are two completely different things - just like the universe knew how amazing pure love was yet it couldn't truly feel it without feeling suffering to compare it to.
- hence why I am here and why I feel like I do today.
nothing new can come into your life unless...
♥ 18.07.11 ♥
nothing new can come into your life unless you are grateful for what you have now.
Isn't that just the most amazing beautiful thing?
That whoever made this universe made sure that we can not grow, bring good, new things into our lives UNTIL we are GRATEFUL for what we have.
That's some clever man/universe/thing up there in the sky.
:)
nothing new can come into your life unless you are grateful for what you have now.
Isn't that just the most amazing beautiful thing?
That whoever made this universe made sure that we can not grow, bring good, new things into our lives UNTIL we are GRATEFUL for what we have.
That's some clever man/universe/thing up there in the sky.
:)
i am not my body!
♥ 10.07.11 ♥
Now I realise that I AM NOT MY BODY everything makes sense.
I'm not my body so I don't get hung up on how I look BUT I still realise that without my body I don't exist so I have a new appreciation for my body and want to look after it and care about how it FEELS instead of how it looks. So I WANT to be healthier and I make decisions to be healthier based on my desire for it to function at its best to carry me through life and enable me to do all the things I want to do. To have energy, be flexible, glowing and function perfectly all throughout my body.
Notice thoughts are just thoughts, they are not true, not ME. My thoughts are NOT ME. They are just thoughts that influence my mood and emotions which leads me to my next realisation:
That emotions are just physical sensations.
That is all. They are just a reaction to how I am thinking and it is the bodies way of letting me know something is up. That's incredible! And it gives me the strength and understanding to know that I can cope and get through them and they will pass and I do not need to use food to numb or ignore them.
And now food seems less appealing or scary and doesn't have the control it used to have over me. I no longer need it to cope. I still see food as a pleasure yes but as a way to make my body FEEL good so I choose food that tastes good AND feels good instead. I see clearly that it in no way gets rid of my emotions and anxiety. Instead, breathing calms me completely and I think: "Breath. Relax. This is just a physical sensation caused by your thoughts and it will pass. You are not your body. These sensations have no power over you and food doesn't solve the feeling".
I still have a long way to go and need to practice the breathing and eating mindfully but that will happen slowly and gradually and there is no rush because I'm perfect right now. I am detached from my body and I know that whatever happens in this lifetime, it will one day be over and so there is no point dwelling on the negative or letting my thoughts overtake me.
I am free because I am the master of my thoughts and my life.
Now I realise that I AM NOT MY BODY everything makes sense.
I'm not my body so I don't get hung up on how I look BUT I still realise that without my body I don't exist so I have a new appreciation for my body and want to look after it and care about how it FEELS instead of how it looks. So I WANT to be healthier and I make decisions to be healthier based on my desire for it to function at its best to carry me through life and enable me to do all the things I want to do. To have energy, be flexible, glowing and function perfectly all throughout my body.
Notice thoughts are just thoughts, they are not true, not ME. My thoughts are NOT ME. They are just thoughts that influence my mood and emotions which leads me to my next realisation:
That emotions are just physical sensations.
That is all. They are just a reaction to how I am thinking and it is the bodies way of letting me know something is up. That's incredible! And it gives me the strength and understanding to know that I can cope and get through them and they will pass and I do not need to use food to numb or ignore them.
And now food seems less appealing or scary and doesn't have the control it used to have over me. I no longer need it to cope. I still see food as a pleasure yes but as a way to make my body FEEL good so I choose food that tastes good AND feels good instead. I see clearly that it in no way gets rid of my emotions and anxiety. Instead, breathing calms me completely and I think: "Breath. Relax. This is just a physical sensation caused by your thoughts and it will pass. You are not your body. These sensations have no power over you and food doesn't solve the feeling".
I still have a long way to go and need to practice the breathing and eating mindfully but that will happen slowly and gradually and there is no rush because I'm perfect right now. I am detached from my body and I know that whatever happens in this lifetime, it will one day be over and so there is no point dwelling on the negative or letting my thoughts overtake me.
I am free because I am the master of my thoughts and my life.
my passion doesn't have to be my day job
♥ 22.08.11 ♥
Breathe kiddo. Now smile :)
My career and passion has been on my mind for so long and I keep getting frustrated with it and I don't know why I haven't been able to ACT and mould my artistic talent into a career. You see - I want to do what I love but I want to be able to do it for the "love" of it and not to "make ends meet". I have realised (thanks to a little wake up call blog entry from Tara Stiles) that I don't have to push at my passion to make it my career.
Sometimes it can taint it and make it a tedious chore instead of being a relaxing, meditative, enjoyment and pure pleasure. Having the pressure to make money from what I love makes me hate doing it. I really don't want it to be like that. I want to do it because I love it and keep my day job to make money and then pursue my passion on the side because I LOVE IT. I want to look forward to it and not dread it and feel like I "have" to do it. I want it to flow naturally and be an escape from the physical world rather than a job that I do so that I can buy material things.
So the pressure has lifted and it feels magical and light and perfect. I'm not saying that it wont ever be a way for me to make money but I want that side of it to happen naturally. I want to do it because I love it and when I feel like doing it and if eventually people want me to keep going it and want to pay me for it then hooray :) but I won't shape WHAT I do so that I can bring in the cashola. I will keep my job, be the best I can at it and be helpful and happy and positive and then spend time doing things that I love outside work.
I will keep reading slowly and learning at my own pace, taking photos when I feel the need to capture something beautiful, writing how I feel and what I've learnt, listening to music that makes my insides smile, filming and being in touch with other artists when the feeling is right and posting on my blog when I have something to share.
No pressure.
This doesn't mean just hold a crappy day job and deal with it and face that you'll never make money from your passion. It means be grateful for your day job and always continue to do the things you love on the side and let them evolve and bloom and flourish and grow and smile and just see what happens.
Just see what happens :)
Breathe kiddo. Now smile :)
My career and passion has been on my mind for so long and I keep getting frustrated with it and I don't know why I haven't been able to ACT and mould my artistic talent into a career. You see - I want to do what I love but I want to be able to do it for the "love" of it and not to "make ends meet". I have realised (thanks to a little wake up call blog entry from Tara Stiles) that I don't have to push at my passion to make it my career.
Sometimes it can taint it and make it a tedious chore instead of being a relaxing, meditative, enjoyment and pure pleasure. Having the pressure to make money from what I love makes me hate doing it. I really don't want it to be like that. I want to do it because I love it and keep my day job to make money and then pursue my passion on the side because I LOVE IT. I want to look forward to it and not dread it and feel like I "have" to do it. I want it to flow naturally and be an escape from the physical world rather than a job that I do so that I can buy material things.
So the pressure has lifted and it feels magical and light and perfect. I'm not saying that it wont ever be a way for me to make money but I want that side of it to happen naturally. I want to do it because I love it and when I feel like doing it and if eventually people want me to keep going it and want to pay me for it then hooray :) but I won't shape WHAT I do so that I can bring in the cashola. I will keep my job, be the best I can at it and be helpful and happy and positive and then spend time doing things that I love outside work.
I will keep reading slowly and learning at my own pace, taking photos when I feel the need to capture something beautiful, writing how I feel and what I've learnt, listening to music that makes my insides smile, filming and being in touch with other artists when the feeling is right and posting on my blog when I have something to share.
No pressure.
This doesn't mean just hold a crappy day job and deal with it and face that you'll never make money from your passion. It means be grateful for your day job and always continue to do the things you love on the side and let them evolve and bloom and flourish and grow and smile and just see what happens.
Just see what happens :)
spiritual awakening makes me nervous
♥ 08.08.11 ♥
I'm still a little puzzled and feel a bit lost when I think about the fact that our physical bodies etc are temporary. It makes me feel like 'well what's the point!' and I still don't get why I'm here and want out. But then I keep thinking about the fact that we are ALL the same on the inside. I don't see myself as less than anyone or in more trouble or not as pretty or successful when I look at it that way and I don't feel like I'm tainted or am missing a piece of what everyone else has. We are all exactly the same. We are all one thing. And so I don't feel so alone. I feel at home. I feel comfortable and warm and loved just being around things that are alive like other people and natural food and objects and nature. We are all part of the same source. We are all one. Not just "related" or "family" but exactly the SAME thing. We are all in this together as one 'whatever'. I still don't know what the 'whatever' is but I know that we are all little pieces of 'whatever' haha.
It makes me a bit confused with relationships though and finding my soulmate or future husband or having children. I have dreamt of finding the perfect man and having a passionate love life. But now I see men and woman as exactly the same? So why do I want a man? I guess because our purpose is to reproduce and so I am attracted to a male because of his physical matter and that is the way it is meant to be.
Then I think about how I have dreamed of having my own children. My own little babies that I made. They come from ME. But really they don't - they come from 'whatever'. 'Whatever' chose for the baby to be mine or the baby chose to be mine. I didn't really have a say? But THEN I remember again that we are all ONE. Not separate. No one is in a better position or has more say or is getting a better deal. I chose my child, but my child chose me too. My husband also chose me and I chose my husband :) So I guess that's beautiful isn't it.
I just feel like I want to find out more. Even though it scares me a bit. I feel like I've touched the tip of the iceberg and now I have so many questions until my mind will rest and not be scared about it.
Here we go!
I'm still a little puzzled and feel a bit lost when I think about the fact that our physical bodies etc are temporary. It makes me feel like 'well what's the point!' and I still don't get why I'm here and want out. But then I keep thinking about the fact that we are ALL the same on the inside. I don't see myself as less than anyone or in more trouble or not as pretty or successful when I look at it that way and I don't feel like I'm tainted or am missing a piece of what everyone else has. We are all exactly the same. We are all one thing. And so I don't feel so alone. I feel at home. I feel comfortable and warm and loved just being around things that are alive like other people and natural food and objects and nature. We are all part of the same source. We are all one. Not just "related" or "family" but exactly the SAME thing. We are all in this together as one 'whatever'. I still don't know what the 'whatever' is but I know that we are all little pieces of 'whatever' haha.
It makes me a bit confused with relationships though and finding my soulmate or future husband or having children. I have dreamt of finding the perfect man and having a passionate love life. But now I see men and woman as exactly the same? So why do I want a man? I guess because our purpose is to reproduce and so I am attracted to a male because of his physical matter and that is the way it is meant to be.
Then I think about how I have dreamed of having my own children. My own little babies that I made. They come from ME. But really they don't - they come from 'whatever'. 'Whatever' chose for the baby to be mine or the baby chose to be mine. I didn't really have a say? But THEN I remember again that we are all ONE. Not separate. No one is in a better position or has more say or is getting a better deal. I chose my child, but my child chose me too. My husband also chose me and I chose my husband :) So I guess that's beautiful isn't it.
I just feel like I want to find out more. Even though it scares me a bit. I feel like I've touched the tip of the iceberg and now I have so many questions until my mind will rest and not be scared about it.
Here we go!
i want to wake up and be excited!
♥ 18.08.11 ♥
Yo homey!
Why do I keep waking up feeling like life is a drag and just another day to get through?
I don't want to just "make it" to the end of each day. I want to wake up and decide I'M GOING TO HAVE THE BEST DAY I POSSIBLY CAN AND IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT!
As soon as I meet someone new, the sun is shining or I get a compliment, take a class or have a deep conversation with someone, I feel so fulfilled. I feel like I've accomplished something with my day. Even just making someone smile or helping someone out makes me feel enriched. And I forget that I can do these things whenever I want! There's ALWAYS opportunities to do these things. I just have to CHOOSE to do them and make them a part of my every day and to live each day to the fullest.
I can feel good. I can wake up every day and get excited and feel happy to enjoy the day and be me. I can make a difference, I can help someone, give them a compliment, treat my body kindly, think positively, find something to admire, try something new, offer support. I can do all of these things in one day without feeling overwhelmed. I just have to choose to spend less time doing and worrying about negative things and things I don't enjoy and more time on the things that make me feel good and happy and fun and enriched and accomplished and worthy and successful and beautiful and healthy and amazing!
From now on I'm going to wake up and immediately say to myself (thanks to advice from Louise Hay)
Hello beautiful :) Did you know I love you just the way you are? There are new and exciting things coming to us today arghhhhh get excited!
Yo homey!
Why do I keep waking up feeling like life is a drag and just another day to get through?
I don't want to just "make it" to the end of each day. I want to wake up and decide I'M GOING TO HAVE THE BEST DAY I POSSIBLY CAN AND IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT!
As soon as I meet someone new, the sun is shining or I get a compliment, take a class or have a deep conversation with someone, I feel so fulfilled. I feel like I've accomplished something with my day. Even just making someone smile or helping someone out makes me feel enriched. And I forget that I can do these things whenever I want! There's ALWAYS opportunities to do these things. I just have to CHOOSE to do them and make them a part of my every day and to live each day to the fullest.
I can feel good. I can wake up every day and get excited and feel happy to enjoy the day and be me. I can make a difference, I can help someone, give them a compliment, treat my body kindly, think positively, find something to admire, try something new, offer support. I can do all of these things in one day without feeling overwhelmed. I just have to choose to spend less time doing and worrying about negative things and things I don't enjoy and more time on the things that make me feel good and happy and fun and enriched and accomplished and worthy and successful and beautiful and healthy and amazing!
From now on I'm going to wake up and immediately say to myself (thanks to advice from Louise Hay)
Hello beautiful :) Did you know I love you just the way you are? There are new and exciting things coming to us today arghhhhh get excited!
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